life isn’t just a point & shoot

i love sunsets. i guess you could say i have an overwhelming passion for sunsets. “heyyo that’s the crazy sunset girl,” they usually say as i walk by and pretend not to hear bc im blocking out the haters.

there’s something so warm and comforting about a sunset. it’s like god is saying goodnight on his creation and wants to remind us that, no matter what, be it a good day or bad, haters blocked or not, it’s still the end of another day and this at least is beautiful about it.

i took my shoes off to stand the neighborhood style with my toes in the sand, but instantly regretted it bc this is not in fact california and definitely washington because the beach is not sand but rocks and that kind of pain is some new fresh hell where even legos won’t go.  instead i limped over to a sun bleached, gnarled log. it was so worn by the water and the waves and the sun that it was smooth and strong. as i sat there with my back to all the haters shaking their heads at the crazy, sunset chasing child, i kept my face towards the sun who slowly tried to say goodnight.

i thought about how i should have trained the newbies at work. i thought about all the friends i still need to see since being home. i thought about all the days i was working another job & if they coordinated. i thought about an email i sent two and a half weeks ago that i wish id phrased better. i focused on a lot of things that can’t/shouldn’t/don’t need to be controlled.

i glanced down at the camera in my lap as my fingers traced the outside lens. a camera is such a simple thing. it does one job and then it’s over. you point, shoot, and wa-lah. a photo. why can’t my life be as simple as a camera? why do i put it on manual settings and try to perfect every detail before i take not only the photo, but 26 more like it on continuous shooting.

as i fiddled with the camera, i finally switched it on and stood back up.

it’s because not everything in life has to be done simply. it should be a process, and if it matters to you, you’ll do it until it’s perfect. i can’t point and shoot a camera. dear god what a nightmare. that’s like a game of photo roulette. i put forth effort and thought and time into what i consider is important in my life.

sometimes i over think it. sometimes i forget that i can’t invest so much in every single aspect of my day to day life.

but im reassuring myself in my ability to find the importance in everything.

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